Betrayed. Manipulated. Confused.
Someone didn’t love or care for you as you needed and deserved.
You have experience stepping up to play roles that your parents should have played for each other.
You learned to sacrifice or hide parts of yourself for the sake of the family or one of your parents – getting manipulated into believing that it is selfish to have wants different from others.
You have experience carrying family secrets – and your own – because you come from a family where the truth is too difficult to bear, so not speaking the truth was a way to survive and belong.
Having other people believe you are ‘ok’ is more important than actually being so – now you have the pattern of self-neglect and manipulating the impressions you make on others.
You’re probably replaying some of your experiences and trying to understand why this has happened and answer that haunting question:
“What were they thinking?”
What a mess… Codependence. Complex PTSD. Addiction.
“I had a normal childhood, so it must be me…” is a common statement coming from my clients raised in dysfunctional families.
“I don’t understand what is wrong with me, but I am anxious all the time…” is a common statement from my clients with Complex PTSD.
“I have to help this person. I have no choice. They need me. I cannot abandon them…” is a common statement from my clients with codependence.
“Oh, I wish that I could do or say that, but I can’t…” is a common statement from my clients fighting to reclaim themselves.
“He told me that God has chosen me to do this…” is a common statement from my clients who have been abused by clergy.
“I discovered that I don’t have to feel things when: I use substances, I use people, I use work, I use helping others…” say the clients who begin to recognize the intersection of trauma and addiction.
You are not alone in these feelings and experiences and are determined to address them permanently.
You’ve tried to move on, and in some ways you have. But inside feels terribly the same…
You were emotionally abused and are confused by all the ways it manifests in your present life and in your sex life.
You are here because you are a victim of sexual abuse, incest, or human trafficking – and re-enact your abuse in your relationships today.
You are here because you are fed up with your past impacting your present and future.
You may be reaching out because your symptom of avoiding conflict has resulted in you continuing to be taken advantage of in your work and relationships long after your initial hurts.
You’re over-preparing – those conversations that you play out in your mind repeatedly – because you expect to be dismissed just like in your childhood.
There is a level of under-performance in your life – maybe it is in your relationships or your career… but there is an over-performance as a counterbalance like your work thrives but nothing else really does…
You have excellence mixed with isolation – even in your dating life… doesn’t this look like childhood when your achievements at school or sports masked the dysfunction at home?
You masturbate to sleep to calm your racing mind like you did in adolescence.
You explode from time to time like a temper tantrum, because your emotions are too intense and too enmeshed to separate from each other – when you feel insignificant.
You use people, without their knowledge, to give yourself a sense of power in situations that you feel powerless – suspicious of others much?
All of these experiences are what happened to you; they are not you.
Let us begin to recover you.
In my practice, victims of abuse are survivors and truth-tellers.
You have already gotten past the worst part, which makes you a “survivor.”
I add that you are a “truth-teller,” because survivors of abuse are often trapped by their own secrecy – about the experiences themselves as well as the extent of their effects. This isn’t on purpose, because as a survivor you likely have blind spots and are not fully aware of the full impact of the abuse.
You are a truth-teller, and it is a hard role. You are brave.
Too often the people who abused you are family members, relatives, or friends – it can be challenging to confront the people closest, yet they are the ones who betrayed – and the risk of them not believing you is an even larger anguish.
But you carry your truth in your person-hood and in your body. Because of trauma, your fight or flight or freeze protective instincts get activated resulting in your thoughts, emotions, and body acting “out of sync.”
You notice this when your heart races, your breathing constricts, and it is difficult to find words as if you are reacting in real time to traumatic events in the past.
So, even though you’ve survived, parts of you remain stuck in the traumatic reactivity of your body and lost synergy brings further distress.
Moving you out of the danger and into a place of calm…
In therapy, we’ll use an integrative and customized approach to empower you to move from your past.
My approach is to quickly identify the core reasons behind the symptoms that led you to counseling, because this is key in providing efficient and effective therapy.
I know that the underlying core experiences are revealed in your present day life in your mental processing; thought patterns; connectivity with others; emotional expression (or lack thereof or too much); in your bodily sensations; and in your reactivity to persons, places, and things.
There is science to this.
Research review of over 450 therapy modalities reveals that the two most valuable predictors of successful therapy outcomes are the quality of therapeutic rapport and the client’s belief that the therapist would take his own advice.
I will treat you as a whole person. I use an integrated model. I will meet you where you are in your complexity. I will not use cookie cutters. I will discern the right intervention at the right time. I will do this because it works. And it works in my life. It will work in your life.
Come join me. Recover yourself. I got your back.
You’re exhausted from running from your past…
…and running from your own self.
It’s time to turn toward effective support – I am ready to help.
I can answer your questions and free you from the bondage of abuse.